Let the Wookie win.
Hello, hello hello. I just realized that it's been a week since I updated this bad boy. I'm sorry. I realize you've all probably gotten dumber for it. But here I am again to enlighten and delighten and, um, premighten I guess. What? That's a word.
My brain needs to slow down so I can sleep. Does anyone else have this problem? My family and my girlfriend often chastise me for my sleeping habits, but I don't think they understand that I can't sleep until I am at the point of collapse. I tried to go to bed at a nice reasonable time last night. I showered, brushed up and headed to bed at around 11:30... no dice. I layed there thinking for like two hours.
My brain is so weird. Everything I think about gets represented visually, and I lay there sorting my thoughts in weird polygons and swirls of technicolor that have nothing to do with the actual appearance of whatever I'm thinking about. Like I imagine shapes or blobs moving in lines and being knocked over or moved around or sucked into other blobs, or colors moving across colors and sliding into boxes and somehow each thing I see means something and it's like everything's being packed up and arranged for sleep. This is impossible to describe. I know this makes no sense, but I've just been doing it like that for so long that it never occurred to me that it didn't make any sense until I tried describing it to someone one time and ended up sounding like a complete loon. Alot like now. Nevermind.
Anyway I have found that TV or some stupid movie does, just as parents have always suggested, actually slow my brain functions down to the point that I am a pure reciever, with no creative or introspective activity taking place, nothing going out. It's like the TV acts as noise or interference that keeps me from wondering about this or that. Only what is on the flickerbox is in my head, and once my brain has slowed to stagnation, I can stumble to bed and fall asleep.
The other option for me is to stay awake until I am completely physically exhausted at which point I will sleep where I fall and hopefully wake up sometime in the night and stumble to bed. Alot of times if I stay still long enough, I realize that I am completely and utterly exhausted and I sleep if I can or I try to distract myself again if I'm in an innappropriate sleeping environment (work, church, driving, etc.).
People have told me to read or listen to music until I fall asleep. Well the music works I guess, but if I close my eyes for very long with music on, it turns into the swirly colors too, and then I just think really weird stuff before I drift off to sleep.
Reading doesn't really work because I can never stand to read long enough to get tired. You have to sit still to read and I always get uncomfortable and have to change positions a million times or get distracted by whatever I am reading reminding me of something else and I go crazy till I can figure out what it was it reminded me of. Or, if I remember right away, I drop the book and move to whatever that is. I have to read in fifteen minute to half-hour installments because I usually can't stand to sit still and stare at and think about what I am reading for that long. I even have a hard time finishing whole magazine articles in time or newsweek, even if its about something I am really interested in. I have to set it aside and come back to it later. It's so annoying. The only things I can read for hours at a time are comics or comic strips. I don't know why that's necessarily the case, but I can sit and read those for three hours at a time and I freakin' crave after them, wanting more and more to read. All these books I have on my shelf and I've probably started thirty of them and never finished them. The ones I have finished it took me months to read. I majored in English and Political Science in college, two reading intensive majors to say the least, and I think I read two of the assigned books cover to cover over the course of my entire college career. There are books I have absolutely loved and still never finished.
It's the same way with writing. Obviously, I love to write, but I can never sit down and write for any amount of time about the same thing. I can't keep a story or a subject going for more than a few pages without either just getting impatient and quitting or going off on a tangent that has little to do with what I started on. Even as I write this I keep thinking of other things I want to write about, but I don't cause I want to finish writing this, and then by the time I finish this I will have forgetten what I wanted to say, or I will quit before getting to it.
That reminds me: I recently bought the first season of Viva La Bam on DVD. This has become one of my surprise favorite shows. It shows a remarkable lack of depth, reason or intelligence even for an MTV program, which is why I think I like it. It helps slow my brain down to a crawl when I need to stop thinking so I can go to sleep. Apparently MTV has agreed to pick up the check for whatever Bam feels like doing. Hilarity ensues, I guess. The pranks aren't incredibly clever, sense there is no real need for restraint or sneakiness since there are apparently no consequences. Still, its funny when he stays up all night painting everything in his kitchen blue. Everything. Floor to ceiling...including the cans in the cupboard and the eggs in the fridge. I guess I like it cause he can do all the stuff I'd like to do but would get fired/disowned/jailed for.
Also I have realized that Ryan Dunn is my hero. I don't particularly like Bam, since he seems to be a brat that loves to prank but hates to get pranked, but Ryan is all coolness. He just stands around with his shades and his beard and seems to have no talent or athletic ability. He is the only sidekick I've ever seen that is cooler than his... (what is the word for the other guy, like Robin is Batman's sidekick, but Batman is Robin's what?) ...well, cooler than his Batman. Bam runs around like a moron doing stupid but funny things, and usually Ryan kind of stands around in the background watching, laughing and avoiding getting too dirty uncoolified. From what I can tell, he is a klutz that has ridden a cool demeanor and willingness to do whatever to stardom. I salute Ryan Dunn. This may not have made any sense.
Man this was a long one so thanks to anyone who hung on to the end. I probably wouldn't have. This is the fastest I have ever written a blog so I apologize for any errors in spelling or syntax as well as any vagueness as to subject or purpose. I don't feel like rereading it to check. I'm out.
posted by Bosephus Jamiroquai @ 2:49 PM
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