Worst. Episode. Ever.
Why I am not excited about Halo 2: Because it sucks.
Only super nerds can enjoy Halo. I am getting really tired of hearing everyone talk about what a great game Halo is and trying to get me to play with them all the time. Apparently, if I would just give it a chance I would see the light and be converted to one of the drooling vacant eyed Halo enthusiests/cultists.
I am not an idiot. I see that in fact Halo has a great engine with great weapons and great levels, ease of use, and responsive gameplay. People say "Oh and have you played the multiplayer?" because that it where it is AT, yo. Hook up four or more people and rock it out all night long.
I remember how fun Bond was, so I can definately see the potential.
So a couple of months ago, when the pre-Halo 2 frenzy was just reaching a nice whipped froth, a buddy of mine brought Halo over and we popped it into the XBox. So myself and three other guys who were completely dedicated to my being added to the fold of the Halo faithful sat down to a mulitiplayer game. I was actually ready to "see the light" so maybe everybody would shut up.
Well a hint to anyone out there trying to turn someone on to the joys of Halo: try letting them play. I did not play Halo. I sat with a controller in my hand completely and utterly confused as to what was going on while these three giggling superfans took turns blowing my head off for three hours straight.
OH MY GOD!! I don't know what I was thinking!!! Halo is the greatest game ever!! Especially the multi-player mode.
Here is what needs to happen for me to like Halo or Halo 2: I need to find the treasure map that leads me to the deep hidden recesses of the earth where I can locate the one other guy on the planet that has not spent 20% of his waking life playing Halo. Using only torchlight, I will slowly teach him to read and speak english using a complicated hybrid teaching model which I have develped specifically for the purpose, utilizing hyroglyphics, the english alphabet and Duran-Duran songs. Soon I will lead him from his cavernous dwelling and acclimate him to life in the modernized world. Once I have explained to him what clothing, electricity, plumbing, and hopeless/dateless freaks Halo fans are, he and I can sit and play together.
After thirty nine hours of non-stop play we will challenge others to a game, and should be able to choose our weapons and possible even point them at another player before having our faces blown off from the other side of the board by one of the super geeks with a sniper rifle that scoffs at our measley thirty-nine hour amateur stint at the greatest game ever made.
At this point even Ngok will realize that these people are waaaay too good at this game for it to be fun for anyone but them and the other members of the cult. He and I will drop our controllers, go home, play Contra III for a couple of hours, then go find us some women.
Game over, losers.
posted by Bosephus Jamiroquai @ 11:21 AM
2 Comments:
It must be pretty emotionally crippling to suck. Try going through the single player, learning the controls, getting a feel for everything. I promise that if I ever played you, I wouldn't just school you without you knowing what the hell was going on. Make no mistake, I could, and very easily. But I'm a nice guy.
It's okay. It's natural to fear what you don't understand.
Oh, and I'd pwn Ngok too.
Heh...pwn...wow.
Yeah it really is time to let go of 007 and embrace the new age of rock solid first person shooters. As stated, just a runthrough of the single player game is more than enough to get you aquainted in multiplayer.
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JOIN US! ON THE DAAAARK SIIIIIDE!!!!!
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