Talk amongst yourselves. I'll give you a subject...
What is up then? I know you've all been concerned. Nah I'm just fooling myself. I know you guys stopped checking this blog about three weeks ago. So maybe it's been like a month since I wrote a post promising new posts soon. And maybe when I wrote that new post, it had been several weeks since I had in fact posted anything of merit. That is all beside the point. The point is: I am back, baby!! Oh yeah, and better than ever.
So, who missed me? Anybody? No? Okay.
Well that's my own doing I suppose. The fact of the matter is, it's well past three in the morning and I am just getting back to the apartamento from a night of loving fun in the tiny little college town of Chapel Hill, NC. If that name sounds a little more familiar to you than it did a couple of weeks ago, it might be because MY TEAM from MY SCHOOL, yeah that's right, the TAR HEELS, just pulled out a NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP. It is difficult express to you in words how very happy that made me. I really needed it. I was toothed on the Tar Heels and I think before it hits open air, my blood runs Carolina Blue. Both my parents went to school at UNC and I can literally say that "I'm a Tar Heel born, I'm a Tar Heel bred, and when I die, I'm a Tar Heel dead!" It's been twelve years since our last championship and we had it coming. Finally the Baby Blue is back where it belongs! The dynasty continues, and the true blue never fades!!!
Having said that, I realize that a great deal of you have no idea what the snap I am talking about, so I suppose it's time for me to move on before I lose you forever. I think the best thing to do right now is explain by absence as of late.
Three weeks ago today (or I guess yesterday, techinically) I was laid off from my job. Booo. I know. What were they thinking, really? It seems that my company was experiencing some "fiscal delays" and as such my position, being the only full time marketing position in the company, became a bit expendable when compared to the overall budget and the need for more tech savvy help that could come in and fix a few things I couldn't .
I came back from using a couple of days of my vacation (a friday and and monday) to celebrate St. Patty's Day down in Savannah with some of my nearest and dearest, and when I waltzed in the office on Tuesday morning, the decision had already been made. My employers said they realized that "this may come as a surprise" to me, but they'd decided to let me go. Oh and by the way good morning, how was your weekend? So within thrity minutes of walking in, I was walking back out with a carboard box full of my deskly things.
In the subsequent three weeks I have been back on job-hunting trail. So far not much has manifested, but my hopes are still high and my eyes to the sky. In the meantime I have been enjoying a little mandatory vacation, being given the time to relax between market scouring and visit some friends and family I haven't had the luxury to spend time with since becoming a real live adult. I have also, come to mention it, been living off of my savings, and between my rent, car payment and credit cards, those should be exhausted pretty soon. As such, if I haven't found a "career" type job again in the next couple of weeks, I guess I'll default to retail or waiting tables nearbouts, in order to pay The Man. But hey, if that happens, at least it's Summertime. If I end up with a job like that, at least I know I'll have the flexibility to take few days at the beach every now and again and soak up the sun like I'm just a college kid with a summer job again. I know there's a Provider, and when I worry , I can just remember the lilies, right?
Well they say bad things come in threes, and they sure did with me. Number 2: When I got home from my shortest work day ever, my sister had left a message on my phone saying that my saint of a Grandma was sick in the hospital and not doing well. Keep in mind this is not one of those distant Grandma's that lives down in Florida and you see once a year. This lady live two miles down the road, and the school bus took me to her house every afternoon until I was in 8th grade, and every summer day was spent there as well while my parents were at work. You like food? She's a master. Nothing she ever put her hands to tasted like it came form this world. This lady helped raise me, and I love her more than I could begin to talk about. If she stubs her toe, it brings tears to my eyes, and to see her like this is almost more than I can bear. Now she can't walk, she can't see, she can't hear and she lives in daily pain. This is the first time in my life I can look at somebody I love and the idea of a life ending being a blessing beyond our selfish feelings makes sense. I've lost two grandfathers and the words of comfort "at least he's not suffering anyore" never really made me feel much better. In youth you just think of what you've lost rather than the final peace granted to those which it had so far been denied. I can't imagine a life without my Grandma, but I think when her time comes, relief to see her pain come to and end may do a lot to dull the pain of losing a bit of my heart. In the meantime, could you guys keep her in your thoughts and prayers?
But there are mixed blessings, aren't there. I lost my job, but on the very same day I was reminded that there are problems, and then there are problems. Whatever time I might have spent wallowing in self pity was devoted to being home and with my family, giving love to those who have loved me all my life. By the time Grandma was back home and stable, perspective had set in and I got to skip the whole self-loathing-I-suck-I-got-fired period.
Just when I was feeling a bit better, my roommate and best boy Ben and I were rolling out to the mall to catch a matinee (see? couldn't do that when i was working) of Sin City because we are both big comic nerds and were all hyped up and ready to Geek Out at the theater. Well as my luck would have it, a lady pulled right out in front of me, out of nowhere, and I nailed her pretty good. Thing number 3: Right there, I wrecked my single most favorite material posession in the world: my brand new Z28. Again perspective was handed to me when
I got out of the car to check and see if everybody was alright. I was suprisinigly calm and there was no anger in my voice, face or indeed my mind while I checked on the passengers of the other car. It turns out the driver of the car was visiting from Ohio. In the passenger seat was her 70 year old mother. In the back was her sister and her brother in law. She had come from Ohio to help this sister take car of her husband who was in the middle of fighting a brain tumor. The were, when we wrecked, en route to pick up some of his medicine. Again, there are problems, and then there are problems. Good thing I didn't hop out screaming at her about my car, right?
So as you can see, when I said earlier that I really needed that Tar Heel win, I meant it. Things are going good for me now. I still don't have a job, but hey, I think everybody goes through a little bit of that while they are getting settled into a career that fits them right. I'm drving a dinky little rental car right now, and it's a far cry from the big muscley sports car I was so proud of before. But hey, I'm not paying for it, and at least I saving money on the sky-high gas prices in the meantime, right? My grandma still isn't doing great, but at least she's stable and she's at home. I may be running out of money, but at least I can sleep late. There's good to be found in just about anything I guess, if you look at it right. I've got family, I've got friends and I've got a beatiful woman that thinks I'm the best thing since sliced bread (most of the time, I think). My bills will get paid, my belly will get food, and I've got wheels to get where I need to go. Anything beyond that is just icing on the cake.
I know this entry has been not only long, but a bit out of my usual tone. Such is the way of a late-night self reflection I suppose. I will do my best to return to form on my next post.
The computer was using to update this blog belonged to my late employer and as such I will have to update as often as I can and probably for the most part forgo for the time being further photo publicaiton and html editing. But when I got home tonight for some reason I felt the need to give all you dear readers a holler. It's weird how communities form, and as crazy as it sounds, I was really starting to miss our electronic one. As I'm writing this, I feel a bit exposed, writing my feeling on my sleeve and all. But at the same time I'm not too worried about it. I've known some of you guys through they keyboard longer than a lot of people I interact with on a daily basis, after all. Hopefully you'll all treat me like a wounded puppy and pour on the hearfelt comments and make me feel all loved and appreciated. Yeah that's a hint.
Anyway guys, I'm going to try to get to bed before the sund starts coming through my window. If you've stuck through the entirety of this monstrously long post, I commend and thank you. Let me just say it feels good to be back, even if only virtually.
PEESE.
posted by Bosephus Jamiroquai @ 3:24 AM
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