PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN" ""> A Blindfolded Chimp With a Pencil in His Teeth

Monday, February 23, 2004

I. Love. Heroin. I just love it.

What you are about to read is an angry rant.

So I was driving to work this morning on I-40 and a couple of cars ahead of me is this big gravel truck. It's loaded down with rocks and its barrelling down the highway at sixty-five miles an hour filled to the brim. Meanwhile, in order to keep the rocks from flying out there is a big piece of cloth draped over the back that is flapping in the wind and only serving to slap the gravel around.
I know I saw at least one piece fly off the truck and bounce down the side of the highway. Now, I'm no physics major, but I'm pretty sure a hitting a rock at sixty miles and hour is "not good" for your car, regardless of the point of impact. This is my opinion, and you're free to disagree, just when you do, hit yourself on the finger with a little tack hammer really hard.

Moving on. Is there no better way to transport rocks? I mean granted, the whole system of putting them in the back of a truck does seem to get (most of) them from point A to point B, but while we're at it, could we perhaps cover the beds? Maybe some kind of hard plastic shell. If the rednecks i went to high school can cover their truck beds can't the whatever-you-call-a-company-that-hauls-rocks-around company do that too? It's common sense. I'll tell you what: Why don't I put a few pieces of gravel covered with a bedsheet on the top of my car and fly down the highway?

But that's not even what makes me mad about these trucks. It's the sheer audacity they have to put little signs on the back that say "Stay back 200 feet. NOT responsible for broken windsheilds." The hell you say. You can't even read those signs from 200 feet in the first place. What are gonna drive up behind one and strain to read "Stay...back...200.." SMACK!! Broken windshield. Well, now you've got a big crack in your windsheild, but looks like you're out of luck because it seems that the little sign says they aren't responsible for any damage that might be caused by rocks that might be flying from their vehicle. Wow. These little signs are powerful. Aparently if one puts a sign on the back of a vehicle warning other motorists that you'll be doing something stupid there's not much they can do about it.

Again: The hell you say.

Not only that, but these signs apparently grant you the sole privelage to certain areas on the highway. Stay back 200 feet? What if I want to pass you, butthole? "Nobody pass the gravel truck, we can't afford to enter its swath! He's tossing rocks, and there's nothing we can do about it! Don't you see the sign?"

Or can you?

Yes, you can. These signs are lies. They are responsible. Follow the truck. What till it stops at McDonalds. Raise hell.

If the driver points to the sign, acknowledge it and ask for his/his company's pertinant information anyway. If he refuses, kindly admit defeat and let him go inside.

Then slash all the tires on his truck and leave the knife in the last one. Attach a little note to the handle that says "Do not park within 200 feet of my knife. NOT responsible for slashed tires."

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