PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN" "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd"> A Blindfolded Chimp With a Pencil in His Teeth: February 2005

Thursday, February 24, 2005

Yesterday the Greeks underestimated us. We should not return the favor.

I'm going to do a little blog topic house cleaning. There are tons of random things I've wanted to write about at various times but I either didn't get around to them or I didn't think they were significant enough to make a full post out of. Well now I'm just going to pop up a little post whenever I remember one of those things so I can get it out of my head and make you all that much smarter. Aren't I nice?

So, who saw the movie Troy? The guy that played Hector is Eric Bana. He also played Bruce Banner in the unfortunate Hulk movie.

Now, who has read Chris Baker's (Cbake)blog? I have it linked over on the left of this page. Or, you know, click here. Cbake is a buddy of mine from UNC.

In my opinion, Cbake and Eric Bana bear a remarkable resemblance. Every time I see a commercial for the Troy DVD and it shows Hector, I think "CBAKE!!" I've pointed this out on several occasions to my friends, and I'm always met with at best, a "Huh. Yeah I guess he sort of does." Most of the time with just a blank stare.

Well if you know me, you know that I'm not one to concede points that I think I'm right about. This is a bad habit, but sometimes I feel so much in the right that if someone doesn't agree with me then they obviously just don't understand what I'm saying. They must not be hearing me right, or they would clearly see my point and we could hug and eat raisin bran and watch cartoons. This is a bad habit, I know. Not because I'm wrong, but because I suppose it's rude.

Nevertheless, in that tradition, I have created the visual aid below. I went to Cbake's blog and nabbed the pictures he had, and then went to Google images and grabbed the first three or four Eric Bana pics that caught my eye. I chopped out the backgrounds to make the resemblance more clear (and so it would sort of go with my template :D)

Please enjoy:



Chris Baker looks abso-freaking-lutely just like Eric Bana. Posted by Hello

I now consider the argument closed, as everyone can see that I am right. Being right about yet another thing will help me sleep that much better at night. After having read this, if you still disagree with me, I have no choice but to question your intelligence.

As a side note, I realize that this may raise some questions as whether I am gay for Cbake, gay for Eric Bana, gay for both of them or just a loser with nothing better to do than pointless stuff like this.

The answer is, that's none of your business.

By the way, this is definately the most massive shout out anyone has ever gotten on my blog, so I think Chris owes me a steak dinner.

Bye, kids!!

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

All I'm saying is that one of us might need a nap.

I dropped the post from yesterday about being straight edge because i was getting hostile comments and especially emails about it. Some of you might not have even seen it. I was working on a much longer, much more detailed explanation for what I meant when the server here at my office shut down and I lost all my work. When I get the chance to recreate that, expect an extremely long read concerning elitism and acceptance.

I wil get back to that later, but for now let me say this:
I didn't know all the background of the term "straight edge" and the unfortunate associations many people have with it. I've had the phrase tossed casually in my direction in the past, especially in high school, and thus inferred the meaning of the phrase itself.

I did not know that it necessarily referred to a societal subculture with a group identity. I've read alot about this phenomenon in the last 24 hours and have learned alot about its origins and its current incarnations. As with any group, most often those that are most vocal are those who least represent the spirit of the group as a whole. A minority of the group live as moral elitists who aggresively condemn those that do not subscribe to their views. However, a vast majority simply see it as a way to live a more pure lifestyle, whether for religious or personal reasons.

That is all beside the point anyway. I personally did not mean I was planning to identify myself with any group in any outward way. Apparently my ignorance of the implications of the phrase caused me to mislead some of you. I simply meant that for my own reasons I would like to make changes in my life that aligned with what I understood the term "straight edge" to mean. This would affect me and only me, and I don't think anyone else has the right to judge or especially to condemn a personal choice.

Let me ask you this:
Was there any part of my post yesterday that even came within the realm of suggesting that I thought that anyone who read it should do the same as me?

Bottom line: I like to write and this is a forum for me to do so. Period. I said "email me if you'd like to discuss," because discussions breed understanding. I welcome them. Especially from those of you who disagree. If we have a discussion at least one of us will learn something. Those of you who instead opted to write me snotty little rants full of spelling errors calling me an elitist(?!?!) can choke.

Did it occur to you that you're the one judging and disapproving? And based on what? A two sentence blog entry? At least I read your email and I know your full point of view before I say the following...

You suck. You don't even know me, and close-minded, quick-judging pea-brained blobs of toe jam like you don't deserve to absorb my brilliance anyway. Grease up your keyboard and stick it where the sun don't shine, you unbelievably massive TOOL. Please DO NOT breed, ever.


I know there are those of you who could've cared less what "straight edge" means. Well, maybe I've sparked some interest and perhaps even debate among you. Or at least now you've got something to Google now when you're bored at work.

Then there are several of you who emailed me simply asking "what does that mean?" Thank you very much. I hope that this post along with the one I hope to finish in the future will tell you a little more about what I have going on in my head these days.

You should all take a look at the "straight edge" phenomenon if you get the chance. Even if you don't agree with it in the slightest, it's still pretty interesting to read about.

I guess I should end this by saying "Okay. Maybe I'm not 'Straight Edge.' My bad."

But I am gonna try Straight and Narrow.

Smooches.

Thursday, February 17, 2005

Well, If I say "yes," I'm an idiot, right?

*-Before you read on-*
If you are the kind of person who says stuff like "Ewww! Too much information!" then you're probably going to want to skip this post. My stomach had a bad 24 hrs and I am going to complain about it now. We are no longer in middle school. We are all adults, and anyone who says they can't relate to this is a liar.




From the too much information desk:
Tuesday, February 15th

I went to a late-night poker game tuesday night. I had gotten an extraordinary (for me at least) amount of sleep monday night and as such I was not even nearing sleepiness.

Around 11:30 - One of my buddies calls and says they are going to hang out down the road and play a little poker, if I'd like to come over. So I hop in my car, still in my pj's (sleep pants and a t-shirt since my red footsy jammies were in the wash) and head over to Josh Bone's house. It's a beautiful 68 degree night, so I put the top down and put the heat on the floor and take the long way to his place, stopping at a gas station to grab a mountain dew. The night is going well so far...

Around Midnight - I get to Josh's and he and another guy are pretty much the only two I know, the rest of the guys being unbelievable rednecks. But they are easy enough to get along with, and my own rural roots seem to give me some street cred with them so we sit down to play for a while. Well from what I can tell most of these guys have been at the bars for the last couple of hours, and they are continuing to drink as we play. Being the only non-drinker at a poker table, I have learned, has its advantages. We play for a couple of hours and I leave the table with three times the money I sat down with, which is always a good thing. I hop back in the car and take the short way home, ready for a soft bed and pleasant dreams. The night is still going strong...

Two-ish - (This really isnt up late for me. Most night, workday or no, I stay up till 1 or 2. I guess I'm still on that college sleep schedule where I don't need more than six or seven hours a night) I am still not terribly tired, but I figure I'll go ahead and hit the sack and see if I could get some sleep when...(gurgle).

"Gurgle?" I think. "What? Was that my stomach?" (Gurgle.) "Yup that was my stomach. That's weird. Stomach kind of hurts." (Gurgle!) "Hoo-boy. Maybe I better head to the bathroom and catch up on some reading..." (Gurgle.)

2:10 AM - I emerge from the bathroom, probably looking a bit tired and confused. I go directly to my bedroom and go to sleep immediately

3:05 AM
- Then, from the darkness of slumber... ((gurgle)) I stir but do not awaken.
3:10 AM - (gurgle) Awaken fully but try to get back to sleep.
3:20 AM - GURGLE!! Jet to the bathroom.
3:35 AM - Emerge from the bathroom, stumble to bed. Gratefully drift off to sleep.

4:15 AM - guuuuurgle. I roll over in bed.
4:16 AM - gurglegurglegurlgegurlge. Stomp to the bathroom angry at the world.
4:23 AM - Hoping it will be the last time till morning, shuffle to bed and sleep.

4:36 AM - It's not the last time. Back to the throne.
4:46 AM - Finish this month's issue of Maxim.
4:50 AM - Leave the bathroom, eyes all squinty from lack of sleep.
4:51 AM - Email boss saying that if this doesn't stop by morning, might need to "work from home" tomorrow, hoping time stamp from email will lend weight to my plea. Head to bed, nearing tears.

5:15 AM - Guess where I am.
5:28 AM - Finish latest issue of Ultimate X-Men. Joy level is low.
5:30 AM - (Flush!)
5:32 AM - Having left my phone in the bathroom earlier, I decide to record this miserable moment for posterity. Go to bed and to sleep.

6:58 AM - Ding! Ding! Ding! Round Six.
7:10 AM - Sleeeeeep.

7:45 AM - Alarm goes off. Snooze.
8:00 AM - Alarm goes off. Snooze.
8:15 AM - Last-chance alarm goes off. I get up to check my email to see the verdict from my boss. Good news! "If you're not feeling better in the morning, stay home." I am not, and so I do. Back to bed go I.

9:00 AM - Stomach reminds me that my day off will not as fun as I would like it to be.
9:15 AM - Back to bed.

10:00 AM - 6:00 PM - My day is spent sleeping, checking email and (ahem) reading.
6:15 PM - Leave apartment for first and only time of the day to get food with "couch-roomie" Ken. Regale him with tales of my porcelain bravery. He doesn't eat much.
7-9:00 PM - Carolina plays Virginia. We win. I sleep through a third of the game.
9:00 PM - 1:00 AM - Watch TV/nap in the dark with mutually lazy roommates. Fall asleep on floor.
5:00 AM - Wake up on floor and go to bed.
7:45 AM - New day begins!!

If I never see my bathroom again it will be too soon.

Well I hope you enjoyed this exhaustive account of my physically and emotionally taxing struggle with my true "inner"-self. Oh that's funny. If you've stuck with me this long, good for you. Waste a little more time and gimme a comment or two telling me how sorry you feel for me.

Thanks for the imput on the new template. I don't know how long I'll keep it, as it is a bit too dark for my taste. It was fun to share some more of my paintshop skills with the world. The whole look, especially the little "reflections" I added to my eyes, I stole from Neil Gaiman's Sandman, which is a wonderfully gothy nerderrific read.


Happy, HAPPY David at about 5:30 AM. Posted by Hello


And again an hour later... Yay for me. Yay, I say, yay. Posted by Hello

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

Don't look at me. I think these people are completely nuts.


This post will not in itself show it, but I have been working a great deal on my blog. As you can see, I have changed the template.

Again.

What do you think?

Thursday, February 10, 2005

Did anybody see scanners?

Holy freaking crap.

We lost.

I hate Dook so, so much. I am so angry my eyes actually welled up with angry tears on the way home tonight. That is how ridiculously intertwined my happiness and my Tar Heels are. I would like to say "Yeah, well, we'll pound 'em when they come to our house," which is true, but that just sounds too sad. I wanted Blue Devil blood tonight! And to think I took all that time finding a word for destroy for each letter of the alphabet.

I really hate them. Eye-clawing hate. Not even claw-their-eyes hate. Claw my eyes hate.

Grrrrrr...sigh...sob.

I was gonna go out tonight and find some heroin so that I could become an addict laying on my side in a puddle of my own vomit shaking and drooling in an alley somewhere so at least I'd feel a little better, but I just didn't have the strength. I decided to just head on home and stare at the ceiling for three hours instead.

Now that I've gotten that over with, I gues I'll go do it some more.

...


P.S. for anyone who watched the game: That ball went out on Duke, and there was still time on the clock. Losing sorely always makes me a sore loser.

P.S.S. for anyone who didn't watch the game: HOW COULD YOU NOT WATCH THE GAME!?!?!!

For your viewing pleasure, I decided to recreate and document the progress of my mental state for the past few hours:


At first I was angry. So, so angry. Like the quiet, scary, poised to strike at the slightest provocation angry.

If I had seen a puppy I would have kicked it.

 Posted by Hello


Then I entered the Mourning Period. Sad. So, so sad. I went and got the big Rameses sticker off of my fridge and sobbed like a girl. Why, God? Why?!?!?! Posted by Hello


Then I just sort of sunk to the floor of my kitchen in front of said refrigerator, drank mello yello and pouted.

This is the saddest face I could make for the picture. When you are as depressed as I am, it takes too much effort to acutally LOOK sad.

I'll probably stay in this sulky, ill-tempered, scowling stage for the next three days or so. If anyone would like to help me feel better...







Kill J.J. Redick.

 Posted by Hello

Wednesday, February 09, 2005

This is a song for the ladies... but fellas, listen closely.

Yeah I know its been a long, long, long, long time since I posted. I'm sure you all were getting really tired of Sean Connery's face. Just remember this blog is updated approximately whenever I have the time and feel like it. This can be like waiting for the planets to align.

Still waiting of the first purchase from my online store. I added a new shirt that is pretty snappin' cool if I do say so myself.

The Heels are heading over to Dook tonight to annihilate, butcher, crush, dismantle, eradicate, finish, gut, hamstring, impair, jolt, kill, level, maim, nuke, obliterate, punish, quash, ruin, slay, trash, undo, violate, wreck and zap the Blue Devils.

If we lose I am going out and becoming addicted to some sort of hardcore drug. Probably heroin.

I hate Dook.

Tuesday, February 01, 2005

It tells me that goose-stepping morons such as yourself should try reading books instead of burning them.

Jones, fool. Posted by Hello


Hang on kids, this is long and link-happy...

Recently the country has been all abuzz with talk about the American Nazi Party adopting a stretch of road in Oregon. The discussion manifested yesterday and Sunday in Cheryl's blog, with comments from Marissa and Jarrad and then myself, which led me to begin writing a post of my own. In preparation for this, I decided to visit the American Nazi Party Website. If you can stomach it, it would do you good to take a look at what complete morons these people are. The "scenario" on the first page is incredibly ludacris and it serves well to set the tone for the entire site. (Plus I refer to it constantly in the email below.)

An important thing to remember when dealing with people like this: Usually they are stupid, stupid, stupid and you have to decide how much emotional effort they are really worth. I don't know about you guys, but that sometime helps me deal with ugly people. Once I take a step back and think about who and what I am getting upset about, I realize that these magnificent examples of human mildew deserve Tilex, not my mental energy. When you realize people really are below you, you tend to care much less about what they think and do. Maybe it's just me, but I think the rest of America would do well to roll their eyes and dismiss the American Nazi Party like the Loud Drunk Guy Nobody Invited and Everybody Hates at the party.

Having said that, I did decide to waste a little time totally owning them. Below is the email I sent to staff@americannaziparty.com. Feel free to follow up and tell them how much they suck. It's really okay, since they do.

"This doesn’t make sense. Your front page doesn’t make sense.

"Publicly gang-raped?" You really think that in twenty years non-whites will completely run the country, and as a result, whites will be hung by the streetlights, publicly gang-raped, and their children will be kidnapped? Please tell me this is hyperbole.

You’re scenario implicitly suggests that all non-whites basic desire is to rape and kill whites, and that if they gain control they will do just that. You can’t seriously think that is idea with any sort of validity.

We as whites are the ones with the greatest history of violence in America specifically targeted at other races (the most prevalent examples being, ironically to your example, hangings and rape). We are the ones known for violence and oppression as wholesale racial policies. The fact that we have abandoned these policies must be seen by rational minds as nothing but a step forward in human rights.

Whatever the small negative effects of the end of slavery, the civil rights movement, and the racial integration of America as a whole in the interim (and from a completely ethno-centric white point of view I see your basis for complaint – after all I guess it must suck to look back and see that you missed your chance to sit in a seat of absolute and unmolested power and authority based on the pigment of your skin), you would be hard-pressed to make a convincing argument that these negative effects outweigh the positive.

I respect your right to say whatever you like under the First Amendment. We all must be free to speak our minds, and so I’d be against any effort to take your site down for that reason, or to prevent you from sponsoring your little stretch of Oregon road. But your ideas are ill-conceived and ill-willed.

You have modeled yourself after the Nazi Party. Even if you (somehow) disagree with the idea that whites in America are known for our history of violence against other races, you can’t argue against this reputation for the Nazis in Europe. They are known if for nothing else for the torture and death of millions upon millions of people. By taking their name, you attest to align with their ideals. You inherently agree that the wholesale forced internment, deportment, robbery, and murder of a people based on their genetic background is acceptable and even favorable.

If ethnicity and/or race are a sufficient basis for such policies, then I suppose the non-whites in your theoretical "2025" scenario have as strong a basis for their policies as anyone. They may be on the other side of the issue, but nonetheless the ideas you fear the most are your own turned against you.

The fact that you fear other races collectively oppressing whites shows that such wholesale policies are always wrong, and always harmful to someone. The best way to avoid the future you dread so would not be to eliminate other races from the equation, but to eliminate the equation entirely. The only way we can avoid such dire circumstances for all "sides", including the "white side" is to eliminate this kind of thinking entirely.

From your point of view, the best you can hope for with your type of thinking is for things to return to the way they were politically and racially 150 years or more ago.

If history has shown us anything, it’s that it repeats itself, and that people will not long stand for the type of inequality and subjugation. Soon this would breed more violent revolts of whatever group is oppressed.

In your hypothetical future scenario, those oppressed (whites) would "fight back! Alone or in small cells, Aryans...men and boys...but most of all women who stand the most to lose, since the decline of real men among the White Folk, strike back...at night and with any weapon near at hand." Would this not be the least you would expect of others were the situation reversed and you stood alone in absolute racial authority?

Your morals are abhorrent, but obviously you could care less what I think of that. I’ll grant you your perceived moral righteousness, and let’s leave moral right and wrong out of the picture.
Even still your ideas and your ideals are illogical, self-contradictory, and, proven by every example in recorded history, doomed to failure.

Sincerely,

D

P.S. I’d love a rational, non-ranting response to my argument."

Another note: In the news story about the adopt-a-highway sign it says that the signs costs taxpayers about $500. However, I thought it was a nice touch that the story also mentioned that "If the signs are destroyed, the sponsoring organization must pay for replacements." I thought this was an interesting tidbit the author chose to add. Could it be a hint? Seems to me most any teenager with a power windows and a bowling ball could take care of the problem late one friday night, if they were so inclined. If they decide to replace the sign, well I doubt I'd lose any sleep over knowing I'd deprived the American Nazi Party of $500.

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