You take yourself out of the game. You start talking about puppy dogs and ice cream and of course it's going to end up on the friendship tip.
apologia \ap-uh-LOH-jee-uh; -juh\, noun: A formal defense or justification, especially of one's opinions, position, or actions.
I apologize for the poetry below. I was trying to convey the feelings you go through when a relationship like that ends - one that you have put your whole life into and based your whole existence around, but one that could ultimately never work.
Sometimes we force the idealization (is that a word? i think it is) of the person we are with, and convince ourselves that they are our very salvation, even when it's obvious that they are not the one for us, and to be with them is a mistake. We crush and break and hurt each other, and the harder it gets, the tighter you hold on because you are by that point, actually just a little bit insane. Then one day, in a terrible moment of clarity, one of you ends it. It's amazing when you come to that realization, but it's even more amazing how crushed you can still feel, even when you know - you know - that it was the right thing to do. That's such a frustrating thing sometimes, when you hurt so bad over something that you're ultimately glad happened. You think the world is ending, and you entertain crazy ideas, if only for the briefest instant. When you really think about it, it's incredible what an amazing effect your relationships with other people can have on you. Literally incredible. Based on the words an actions of another individual, you might feel like there's nothing that could make you happier or you might, in a very real way, wish that you would just die. I was talking to a friend who is going through that very thing and I could really relate. So I got all inspired and threw down these lines on paper and threw them up in a post before I took the time to think about whether it was a good idea or not.
So there you have it: lines written in some kind of involuntary spasm of misguided and ultimately embarrassing "inspiration," which was apparently the poetical equivalent of an epilleptic seizure. My site meter tells me that many of you have visited this blog in the past week* but none of you have had anything to say about my effort... probably meaning that none of you had anything nice to say about it. At first I was anxious for some feedback, but I suppose I should thank you for your restraint.
I will not, however, cower and withdraw the post to cover my shame. I'll leave it up, as a painful reminder of what sort of thing I ought to damn well just keep to myself.
*I mean "you" plural, not "you," you. I have no visibility into which people come to my site, just how many people come. I didn't want to scare you guys off.
posted by Bosephus Jamiroquai @ 5:06 PM
2 comments
